To Valerie Saiving

I am a student of theology

I am also a woman

Could you tell us apart?

Read more of what they say about the Divine and you'll learn more of my heart

Though the passion is not platonic, it is not self-controlled

It does know envy and boasts of pain

It's weak, if truth be told

My love is diluted because it has to go through me

Though these lenses lack prescription, they may yet help me see

They give me names and help assign

Superpowers to manipulate time

They help me fashion this simple rhyme

They make me speak of the Divine.

"Calling"

@melodyh_s 2014

I attended a retreat last weekend that gave me some frustration. Throughout the retreat, one proposition was asked in a hundred different ways: "Tell me how you have been called to become a pastor?" I have been so fixated on the word "calling" for days, and I have been barely able to articulate why. I keep trying to move on from this apparently minor semantics irritation because I tend to find that if I am getting too bogged down in a few choice words, it usually is an indicator of some limited understanding of my own due to immaturity, a youthful adamance over hills I ought not choose to die on.

However, I am thinking lately that the word "calling" to describe my chosen profession is indicative of a larger issue I have regarding pastoral work and my femininity. As a woman, I am constantly anxious that I need to prove that I have just as much reason to be in theological and ecclesiological conversations as the men already present. This comes from the numerous times men have manspalined scripture to me while I just stand there thinking about how little they know about the Colossians or the Greco-Roman gender hierarchy or Greek, checking off all the things they are saying that are just plain wrong. "Calling" has never been all I needed in order to even be considered to be taken seriously in my pursuit of pastoral leadership. That language completely undercuts how much I have been forced to prove myself against my gender, which has worked against me.

DEAR GOD

This is a music video for "Dear God," an adaptation of Taylor Swift's "Dear John." It is now a prayer for when we are doubting. At the end of the day, sometimes all we can do is kneel at the feet of Jesus.

SALVATION IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER

Ever pricked your finger on a spindle?

Truth is, I think we all have, have we not?

Are you not overwhelmed? Entranced? Seduced?

Walking up that dismal winding staircase,

Your dear thoughts forced out by some else's?

And then, next thing you know, you have shut down.

You won't remember why and you won't try.

Need you saving, or can you wake yourself?

That's an eternal question, isn't it?

Perhaps you can't and so perhaps we can't.

But do we necessarily need saved?

Perhaps we need saving, but we are not

Excluding the possibility of

Waking ourselves. Don't misunderstand me.

I do not mean that we're saving ourselves,

But I ponder this salvation matter

Hasn't to do with our unconsciousness

And that it's something else entirely.

Well, let me know when you figure that out.

I'll just wait here and continue snoring,

Bothering everyone 'round me 'til then.

Perhaps I'll enjoy a dream while I wait.

DEAR GOD (DEAR JOHN) by TAYLOR SWIFT, ADAPTED

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

CLICK THE IMAGE ABOVE TO OPEN A THEOLOGICAL ANALYSIS OF THE LATEST AVENGERS FILM

PRAYER

Father, grant me one more prayer

That I might leave unsettled there

Between the date that old life expired

And the time when this life retires

For a while before you raise us up

So that at your banquet, we may sup.

Thank you for you graceful whole

Which resides in the midst of foe.

Thank you for your serenity

And your problem-solving creativity.

Creation teaches us to learn

Creation, boundless to our yearns

Wields contempt for humanity

At times, it seems, at least to me,

But still we pray, hope never to cease

Until your heavenly reality, your divine peace.

So come, Oh God, look upon Eva

A woman grieved with unfulfillment, a lack of the divine

A woman who is humanity as it begins to unwind.

You are human, Lord, you are the One

Because you were able to give your Son

So praise be to you, who alone are worthy

Praise be to God, our only trophy

We live for your truth and we walk in your path

We stumble and fall, we get lost in your wrath.

Oh Brother, complete my prayers in this meager attempt

To make them beautiful, to repent

My human condition, my depravity

But for your love, my inability

To be blessed and bless them, in your name

The ones who do not know their shame

The shame we share in our current state

The shame that will be overcome in our shared fate

But only through you, Lord, and your great deed

Only if your Son intervenes.

WOMEN

    

melodyh_s 2014

      The Book of Genesis opens describing the dawn of time. After a good environment was made, God created man. It says in Genesis 2:7, “The Lord God formed man from the dust of the earth. He blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living being.” This is an account for the creation of Adam. However, it is soon evident to God that Adam is in need of company, for in Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a fitting helper for him.” Now there is a particular account for the creation of the first woman, Eve. Genesis 2: 21-22 says, “He [The Lord God] took one of his [Adam’s] ribs and closed up the flesh at that spot. And the Lord God fashioned the rib that He had taken from the man into the woman.” The Hebrew word from which the translated word “fashioned” comes, has a dual meaning. It means, literally, “to build,” but it also implies the verb “to understand,” (Strong, LL.D, S.T.D.). The implication here is that women were built with more of a capacity for understanding.